Monthly Archives: May, 2016

Talked it out

^_^ I built up the inner strength to  talk to my mother about the way I have been feeling and learned about that what my mother has been feeling in response.

There have been people outside our house running an illegal car business on the road beside are house. O_O all day we hear nothing but BANG!BANG! and the blasting repetitive music music pounding from his car speakers (it’s so loud the house is shaking).

The police don’t give a dam (We could really do with a volunteer police service).

People have suggested that we should call the local council if this continues.

 

Think I’m going mad

When I get angry or too happy my head for some unknown reason translates that as pain and if I don’t gain control it consumes me.

I don’t know if it is because my mother is getting older but she has started treating these moments of over load as me being a naughty child who needs to be scolded and taut obedience.

I have hurt people who have intimidated me during this mode.

U-U I’m currently having a hard time fighting my head trying to stop my instincts from hurting her however,  every time I fight this pain my head dives deeper into itself leaving me in the position that drove me to have  nervous breakdown in the first place.

The only way I can balance out my mind is to punish myself for feeling the pain and hurt myself for letting such bad thought even entering my mind.

I just need someone to talk calm and take me out of the pain, not drive me deeper my telling me I’m a bad person who should feel bad for not being able to control their chemical balance.

I just want to curl up in my mind and stay there…..but then what would happen to my sweet DB???? He would miss me if I went anywhere.

T_T I really should talk to her about this.

 

Are you doing an anime report or anime review?

A coupple of weeks ago I went to DB and told him that a lot of the reviews I read don’t feel like reviews.I could’t pin point my reason for thinking this way until coming across a site that asked this question: what is the difference between a book report and a book review?

The problem I have with many reviews is that they only skim the skin of the thing  they are looking at (Can you really call it a review if your just going to write down the obvious).

You look deeply into the thing you have chosen to look at because YOU wanted to do that. Don’t worry about what the reader will think when they look at your review but what you think when reading it.

*O_O Don’t go too far up your own butt and try not to take a side (this will just lead to fights and bad times for everyone involved)*

When I was in college we would have to write evaluations for every drawing we produced. One day I was sitting back in my chair racking my brain  trying to think about what my tutors would want to see when I got epiphany: This evaluation is for the benefit of me not them! 

You write a review because YOU want to get you thoughts out there, when it starts to become a chore you risk turning your review into a long book report (you start seeing your viewers as that teacher who would demand a 10 page book report by Friday).

 

 

WOW! They are selling out faster every year.

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O_O This con doesn’t take place till the end of July!  It’s hard to believe this con has exploded in popularity.

Good thing I told my friend to get hers early.

 

Progression!

Finally planning the trip to Sweden thogh Europe!

XD I have always wanted to go on the eurostar (it’s odd how it will take us longer to get to London then traveling to France).

O_O It will be the first time I have ever left this island.

 

T-T 4 weeks to go….wish it was sooner!

If you don’t know the UK is having a eu referendum on the 23rd of June 2016….O__O which will kill everyone and murder your pets!

Y_Y The arguments on both sides are so over the top it’s hard to tell what info is true and what is utter rubbish.

in: don’t want to get a visa in order to holiday in the EU.

out: sick of the EU messing with laws.

T_T That seems to be the response I get from people when asked.

O_O

Can we survive 4 weeks of billboards, flyers, internet adverts, newspaper articles, news stations and other counties trying to put the nose where it doesn’t belong (A lot of these countries complaining are not even part of the EU).

I’m free!

O_o My 4 and half days of sadness are finally over (Just have to get thogh the physical pain now).

In retrospect It went well (I have had worse downers).

I’m just hopping my night terrors will let up a little.

*ptsd! ^_o I still remember that F***** up advert almost 20 years on (it’s hard to believe it ever aired).*

 

The most casual game you will ever watch.

It only need the smallest amount of input (plays itself).

My total play time: 43 hours. 

O_O The game consists of watching load bars.

*boring anime*

T-T : “I could be doing something more productive.”

*turns publishers dream on.*

“That’s better.”

Y_Y Ahhhhh!

3 Days! I have felt nothing but sadness for 3 days!

T_T This happens every month! I feel like i’m going insane with the amount of emotions my head is allowing to brake thogh the mental  wall.

I don’t get bothered by it when i’m working because I have enough stuff to keep my head occupied however, soon as I get chance to sit down my head starts to eat away at me.

I need this to end before something bad happens.

 

Bubbles!

Hit my apex of sadness today.

T_T I went to the shop looking for my favorite brand of ice cream to pig out on  when I spotted bubble solution for 50p on the self. I abandoned my hunt for ice cream (they didn’t have the one I wanted anyway) and allowed my childhood memories of popping bubbles in the garden to fill my mind.

At home I stood in the garden and began to blow.

Not long after I started blowing by nephew who also loves bubbles came outside running around popping them  as the floated on by.

^_^ It’s moments like that which make life worth holding onto.