Think I’m going mad

When I get angry or too happy my head for some unknown reason translates that as pain and if I don’t gain control it consumes me.

I don’t know if it is because my mother is getting older but she has started treating these moments of over load as me being a naughty child who needs to be scolded and taut obedience.

I have hurt people who have intimidated me during this mode.

U-U I’m currently having a hard time fighting my head trying to stop my instincts from hurting her however,  every time I fight this pain my head dives deeper into itself leaving me in the position that drove me to have  nervous breakdown in the first place.

The only way I can balance out my mind is to punish myself for feeling the pain and hurt myself for letting such bad thought even entering my mind.

I just need someone to talk calm and take me out of the pain, not drive me deeper my telling me I’m a bad person who should feel bad for not being able to control their chemical balance.

I just want to curl up in my mind and stay there…..but then what would happen to my sweet DB???? He would miss me if I went anywhere.

T_T I really should talk to her about this.



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