When I get angry or too happy my head for some unknown reason translates that as pain and if I don’t gain control it consumes me.
I don’t know if it is because my mother is getting older but she has started treating these moments of over load as me being a naughty child who needs to be scolded and taut obedience.
I have hurt people who have intimidated me during this mode.
U-U I’m currently having a hard time fighting my head trying to stop my instincts from hurting her however, every time I fight this pain my head dives deeper into itself leaving me in the position that drove me to have nervous breakdown in the first place.
The only way I can balance out my mind is to punish myself for feeling the pain and hurt myself for letting such bad thought even entering my mind.
I just need someone to talk calm and take me out of the pain, not drive me deeper my telling me I’m a bad person who should feel bad for not being able to control their chemical balance.
I just want to curl up in my mind and stay there…..but then what would happen to my sweet DB???? He would miss me if I went anywhere.
T_T I really should talk to her about this.