I need to be in pain….but i don’t want to hurt him.

I hate emotions, they hurt!  T_o I’m not talking as in “ouch my feelings”, my body will physically shutdown  or will become non responsiveness.

DB has done a lot to help me, one being giving me permission to feel pain and acknowledge it. He doesn’t punish me for being in pain?? even now I still can’t get my head around that (says a lot about my old high school).

One of the things he dislikes is when I force myself into pain in an attempt to push thogh a wall.  I understand he doesn’t want to see me in pain, but how ells am  I meant to get used to the strong stimuli in my head.

U-U His pain is my pain and my pain is his pain.

Guess it would help if I just told him when  I needed some  cooling down time.


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